I hate people that remind me I'm stupid!

I dont really know how to deal with them. I really feel stupid, because they underestimate me as a person who couldnt feel anything. I really hate them.

because he remind me that I'm stupid enough not to love. =(

Can that happen?

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Maybe yes maybe no. As they say what's constant is change... youre feelings today maybe different tommorow.. you could love a person today and hate him completely tommorow. We can never tell how certain we are. But I think, letting them realize how you really feel for them today is better than ignoring them..because it's hard to regret one day. Running fron safety is more deadly. Delaying things doen't really end them.


As I always say, people does things for a reason.

bakasyon nah...

“Serving with a missionary Heart”

How did NSTP affect my life? Such a silly question when I first heard it. I really don’t know how to answer that in multiple sentences. But my mind of one word “PATIENCE”.

I’ve work for about three months in the office mingling with different people with different folks of life. I did work that somewhat new to me. I worked two months as a clerical staff. At first it really tests my courage to continue pursuing my job, since then I start saying to myself that I wouldn’t be here if not for something. I pursue despite many things that pushes me not to. I thought of reasons why should I stay, one most important thing is that I know that this NSTP apostolate will help me grow into a better me in time. After about five months, spending about almost one hundred hours this semester, finishing my apostolate proved me that reasons.

It will really test how far would you go for something you are uncertain of. It will test your courage on how you will balance your life with your studies and your work as a student doing your apostolate. It will measure how you are willing to sacrifice, time, and effort for deed that others might not understand. It will certainly answer a lot of questions that involves people, which involves life. It will test your patience how far can you go on life itself. Now, I’m realizing that NSTP is not just a mere course in college to take up for you to graduate. But it is a concrete training ground of the world itself. Because it will help you learn lessons the hard way. It will help you lessons learned and applied at once. It will help you learn lessons you can use throughout you life. I could say it wasn’t meant to be a mere course; it came as a course to stand with a purpose. And that purpose depends on how you handle everything.

I have a vision of what I really want in my life, I passed the test of an apostolate that I will surely say and proved that “Serving with a missionary heart” . I helped. I learn. I’m happy seeing and feeling that I learned a lot, I touched , and in some way I transformed lives. And in doing such all you need are FAITH, LOVE for your work and so much PATIENCE.

YOU

(written Feb 25 2008. Poem about how small I see myself.. how I want to unwrap the contradiction of love that I see from the poeple around me.)

I hate to feel stupid as always
I hate to come up with the noise that bangs my heart
I hate to cry for the reasons they can't understand
I hate to be sad when everyone seems happy
I hate to feel lonely, alone, sad
I hate the coldness of my hand when sun strikes
I hate my tears from falling
I hate to think that I'm simply a loser
I hate decisions that prove I'm wrong
I hate situations that made me realize I'm a mistake
I hate sacrifices that requires my whole
I hate letting go that simply prove too much braveness


I hate the understanding of how I pity myself inside
I hate every smile they can give
I hate loving me.


I know I'm not worthy.

Rain

(written Aug 28 2008. Poem on how to value tears that brings out things that even our words cannot express.)

Let the sky fall its tears for me

For I can't show any sign of weakness here

I just love letting the water tickled

Upon my face, for it knows

How to wash the pains and burdens

In my heart

I thank the sky for letting me show

What I really felt today.

Sad. Empty. Cold.

Bitterness

(A poem about an unexpected person that came in your life, ta the time that you're sure of what you really feel, he suddenly surrenders)

You never expected,

He'll come your way

You never expected,

He's the person you'll fall in love this way

You trusted every word,

He said

You didn't care what other people say

Just when you're ready,

To fall in Love

Just when you think,

The moment is right

He tells you,

He's giving up the fight.

nineteen years....

nineteen years.

parang kailan lang ang labing siam na taon...
syempre wala yung mga taon na yun kung di dahil sa mga tao at bagay- bagay na nakasama, tumulong sa akin sa mga taon na 'to...


"thank you for making me realize I'm alive"

Salamat.

Sa mga taong naging kasama ko sa bawat tawanan, lungkot, iyakan.
Sa pagbibigay ng pag-asa sa mga pangarap natin.
Sa pag-alala kahit malayo ako.
Sa di pagkalimot.
Sa pagtuturo sa akin na hindi lang musika yung dapat matutunan, puso, pamiya.
Sa pagtuturo sa akin ng mga bagay na hindi natuturo ng iba.
Sa pagpapadama na importante ako.
Sa pagiging anyan.
Sa pag kalinga.
Sa pagpapaalala na ang buhay ay may pag-asa.
Sa pagpapasaya.
Sa pagpapaiyak.
Sa pagiwan.
Sa pagtanggap.
Sa pagintindi.
Sa pagtitiis.
Sa hirap.
Sa pakikinig.
Sa pagtitiwala.
Sa pagkakaibigan.
Sa inspirasyon.
Sa pagmamahal.
Sa pagiging parte ng buhay ko.


Hindi nagiging kumpleto ang buhay ko, ang labing siam na taon, ang "korina carla quinto targa" kung hindi ka dumating sa buhay ko. Salamat sa pagiging IKAW. Salamat sa lahat ng sakripisyo.

Sana sa mga susunod pang taon, di ka makakalimot, di ka magbabago.
Sana sa mga susunod kong gagawin sa buhay ko maiintindihan mo.
Sana matuto na akong magdesisyon, gumawa ng bagay-bagay na takot ako.
Sana maramdaman ko at maintindihan ko na hindi lahat ng bagay dapat natin malaman at hindi lahat ng tanong kailangan ng sagot... at hindi lahat ng dapat intindihin kailangan intindihin.

****************

Mahirap ang buhay.
...kung iisipin natin na mahirap
...kung mararamdaman nating mahirap

pero di pa dun nagtatapos ang buhay
... masaya din naman.

may mga taong dumarating para mapakita at mapadama sa atin yon.


Simple lang ang buhay.

iiyak.
tatawa.


gumugulo.
humihirap.

kadalasan dahil din sa'yo
(ikaw yung mismong gumagawa ng mga bagay na kinatatakutan mo, mga bagay na prinoproblema mo, mga bagay na makakasakit sa'yo)


***yun yung isang mahalagang natutunan ko.***


don't expect that much from me...
(hindi naman ako magaling o matalino)

nakakamatay ang mga expectations sa buhay.
minsan baka di mo namalayan yun na minsan papatay sa'yo.

hindi lahat ng bagay dapat natin malaman

hindi lahat ng tanong kailangan ng sagot...

at hindi lahat ng dapat intindihin kailangan intindihin.


"hindi hinuhulaan ang sagot sa tanong, hindi hinahanap ang sagot, kailangan mong gumawa ng sarili mong sagot sa mga tanong mo"

para sa huli wala kang ibang sisihin kundi ang sarili mo.
dahil walang ibang nakakaramdam ng nararamdaman mo
at walang ibang nakakaisip ng naiisip mo.

***ilan lang yon sa mga natutunan ko***
at mas marami pa akong matutunan sa mga susunod pang taon.


Pati IKAW, marami pa akong bagay na matutunan sa'yo.
kaya wag kang aalis, sasamahan mo pa ako.

meet "MIG"

He is my newest and biggest ever stuffed toy na aso sa buhay ko... (hehe).

Actually pangaprap ko lang yun gnun eh, ahm meron naman ako naliliit na aso at pusa...

...tapos last September 30, napasaakin si "MIG"

saan?

unexpectedly, nagpunta kaming session road (hindi sya dun nabili.. hehe) sa isang lugar na hindi mo alam marami palang stuffed toys... sa UK. (di mo ba alam kung san yun, dadalhin kita dun pag umakyat ka dito sa baguio...). Wala talaga akong balak bumili ng kahit ano. Tapos nakita ko 'tong eye catching na snoopy na sobrang laki at cuddly. Ayun, binalik balikan ko siya hanggang sa ayun talagang akin na siya.

Para kahit papano naman mafulfill ko dream ko. ( hayaan nyo na ako..pagbigyan).

Birthday gift ko yan sa sarili ko eh.. how sweet noh, *thank you k.c.*

hindi ka ba nagtataka bakit "mig"?

may korning kwento yun...

after kasi naming pumunta sa "toy kingdom ng u.k." pumunta kami sa isang comedy bar dito ba baguio (actually gusto lang namin nag videoke, kaso wala ng bukas kaya sa iba kami napunta). Sa D 4th (the fort) . Di ganun kadami ang mga tao.. at may nakasabay pa pala kaming celebrity dun, si warren ng pinoy idol (katabi lang namin sila, hindi ganun kagwapo at ka popular dito). Anyway walang konek ang mig dun..hehe. Mig. San Mig. Nyahahaha. oo, first tym kong uminom nun... hehe matagal ko nagustong itry matikman yun eh... pero iba tinatagay ko. (Hmm, bata ka pa k.c. haha). Mapait, syempre... "bitterness" ung isang meaning nun. I should realize and remember thru "mig" na masamang maging Bitter sa Buhay.

Napakagandang pagpapaalala... (hehe). Tama yun, para hindi ko makalimutan, memory gap eh.

*how do you heal a broken heart* pix. nice =)

"don't be bitter"

---mig

At syempre... Don't forget to do the things that will make you happy. You will never ever regret that fact na ginawa mo yun throughout your life.