Sunday, December 16, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
what matters most! (journey, human search for meaning)
“Tired of weaving dreams too lose for me to wear, tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air, tired of getting tired of doing what’s required. Is a life a mere routine or a greater scheme of things?”
Life. Routine. Tired. Since the time that I knew what life is all about and how the superficial things work, full of emotions and relationship that fully defines me. Tired? I become stagnant, completely happy, happy, completely sad, sad, angry, and stagnant again. I sometimes become used to think that everyday of my life nothing changes; surprisingly when I look back everything was different. I’m sick of questioning myself things that I can’t really answer, questions that I’m afraid to learn the answer , questions that I don’t want to answer, because a simple answer of everything and nothing could make or brake my heart. But at the end of the day I realized that I’m not really tired, as the song says life wasn’t a mere routine, it is something deeper than what I really thought it to be.
“. . . I need to find my place so my life would fall in place, in the greater scheme of things”
What? How? Where? When? Who? Can find meaning for myself? Is there a place Is there really a person? I heard saw, met and read different people in my eighteen years in this world, I saw how they professed and came up with meaning of their lives. I also taught people that until their old age and even until death they never find this meaning.
I also encountered some who are confused, tried to refuse so that they will not be diffused on having meaning to their lives.
I for one, I’m continue in search for who I really am? What am I here for? I am here to search for love and be truly happy!
Why do I want to search for love in my life? I also can’t answer directly why, probably through love I can define to myself what unconditional happiness is. I love falling in love over and over again everyday. I love to see people happy because they love and being loved. The motive of the love is not “you”, it is not seen by the eyes and the mind but what more of what is felt by the heart. Loving cannot be complete without people—people that continue defining love and life to me.
Who are these people? God, family, friends, significant others and the community—these people entails what and how I define myself “Relationships”, that involves decisions and choices to be faced. They are the one that make me realized, “I learned, I grow.” These are the people that unexpectedly I met in my journey, people that made me see the world more concrete, people that taught me “to love”, “to be happy”, “to be hurt”, “to be in pain”. Sometimes pain becomes a huge part in my life that I expect it to always be there I can't remember a time in my life that it wasn’t around. But then one time one time, one day I felt something else. Something that feels so absolutely wrong only because it is so unfamiliar. And in that moment I realized that I almost forgot to be happy, because finally I am. Because of these people longing to feel how to be special, that involves acceptance and eventually love.
When? The best way to spell love is t-i-m-e. The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others but how much we give of ourselves. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Presence. Attention. Time.
Where can I search for love? In serving, in being with others, in the youth apostolate, I find pieces of me when I share not even money but a spare of myself and being with these people means learning a lot from their stories. By teaching and making them realize how powerful love can be. By being a gift to the people around me, in simple ways that I can give and make even a simple difference, touch their hearts and even transform their lives.
Searching for love, doesn’t need any armor but heart. Having to find my meaning by loving requires me to love. Love has no crossing back, it’s a line that forever be embedded deep within my heart, once I loved, it doesn’t go away . . . it will forever be special. I know love entails unfair and judgmental reality, commitment, letting go, hurt, tears, a lot of patience and courage.
But what matters most is that you loved at all!
Life. Routine. Tired. Since the time that I knew what life is all about and how the superficial things work, full of emotions and relationship that fully defines me. Tired? I become stagnant, completely happy, happy, completely sad, sad, angry, and stagnant again. I sometimes become used to think that everyday of my life nothing changes; surprisingly when I look back everything was different. I’m sick of questioning myself things that I can’t really answer, questions that I’m afraid to learn the answer , questions that I don’t want to answer, because a simple answer of everything and nothing could make or brake my heart. But at the end of the day I realized that I’m not really tired, as the song says life wasn’t a mere routine, it is something deeper than what I really thought it to be.
“. . . I need to find my place so my life would fall in place, in the greater scheme of things”
What? How? Where? When? Who? Can find meaning for myself? Is there a place Is there really a person? I heard saw, met and read different people in my eighteen years in this world, I saw how they professed and came up with meaning of their lives. I also taught people that until their old age and even until death they never find this meaning.
I also encountered some who are confused, tried to refuse so that they will not be diffused on having meaning to their lives.
I for one, I’m continue in search for who I really am? What am I here for? I am here to search for love and be truly happy!
Why do I want to search for love in my life? I also can’t answer directly why, probably through love I can define to myself what unconditional happiness is. I love falling in love over and over again everyday. I love to see people happy because they love and being loved. The motive of the love is not “you”, it is not seen by the eyes and the mind but what more of what is felt by the heart. Loving cannot be complete without people—people that continue defining love and life to me.
Who are these people? God, family, friends, significant others and the community—these people entails what and how I define myself “Relationships”, that involves decisions and choices to be faced. They are the one that make me realized, “I learned, I grow.” These are the people that unexpectedly I met in my journey, people that made me see the world more concrete, people that taught me “to love”, “to be happy”, “to be hurt”, “to be in pain”. Sometimes pain becomes a huge part in my life that I expect it to always be there I can't remember a time in my life that it wasn’t around. But then one time one time, one day I felt something else. Something that feels so absolutely wrong only because it is so unfamiliar. And in that moment I realized that I almost forgot to be happy, because finally I am. Because of these people longing to feel how to be special, that involves acceptance and eventually love.
When? The best way to spell love is t-i-m-e. The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others but how much we give of ourselves. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Presence. Attention. Time.
Where can I search for love? In serving, in being with others, in the youth apostolate, I find pieces of me when I share not even money but a spare of myself and being with these people means learning a lot from their stories. By teaching and making them realize how powerful love can be. By being a gift to the people around me, in simple ways that I can give and make even a simple difference, touch their hearts and even transform their lives.
Searching for love, doesn’t need any armor but heart. Having to find my meaning by loving requires me to love. Love has no crossing back, it’s a line that forever be embedded deep within my heart, once I loved, it doesn’t go away . . . it will forever be special. I know love entails unfair and judgmental reality, commitment, letting go, hurt, tears, a lot of patience and courage.
But what matters most is that you loved at all!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Life is so unpredictable.... so much for you to overlook and anticipate, full of reasons to be happy enough to face it.
....ganyan ang naging short sembreak ko. Ndi siya naging kagulo kasaya, kabusy nung simula... haos nandun lang sa bahay all the time, tumulong sa parish youth apostolate?? ...ndi maxado kasi "I somewhat feel the barrier ng mga bago" sabi nga ng aking Loisian frengd na kaparish ko din. pero xempre miss ko na sila, kahit last minute na na pag sama sa yearly Halloween party pumunta parin kami, kahit uhm.. mga three years ko ng costume ung black lady. (hehehe). at napaka exotic na din ng batch namin, halos iilan nalang ata kami, ganun na ba kami ay ako katanda? ... i dont think sooo. (hahah)
... akala ko I will stay in Manila, sa tita ko for a week siguro.. fortunately hindi natuloy... dahil sa aking wrong interpretation.... haay naku, dahil sa isang maliit na katangahan. (hehe) matatawa nalang mga pinsan ko pag nabasa nila to. Anyweiz, pag uwi after nung reception nasiraan pa kani sa may Sm north Edsa... diba timimg? kaso hindi naman mga gurang kasi ung kasama ko kaya hindi nila gusto ung ganun... xempre naghintay lang ako hangang matapos un.. mga after three hours nasa pangasinan na naman ako.
....balik pangasinan na buhay, sa bahay ganun...may one time lang na nakalabas ang mga high school na kabarkada ko.. ang mga tropang c, kulang pa nga kami e si Tina, ayun dinalaw namin ang fren namin si Grace sa bahay nila sa Caranglaan, mga half day kami dun sa kwentuhan lang, ang lakilaki na ng baby niya, last time na nakita ko sya a day bago sya manganak. matagal na pala.. hehe. Gnun ang karaniwang lakad ng barkada namin sa bahay nila, kasi xempre ndi naman sya makakasama sa paglabas siguro pag malaki na ung baby niya.... Ang tangng gawain lang naman namin ung pagkain sa labas ng kung anu anu since high school ganun na kami, hangang ngaun... Siguro once every bakasyon lang kami nagkikita kita, kadalasan mahirap matuloy pa dahil nagkakaproblema ang isa... pero sooobrang miz ko na din sil dahil hindi man lang kami nabuo at magkita lahat (-.-). Idol ko tong mga kabarkada ko dahil sa mga relationships nila, bakit? .. dahil lahay sila years na ang inabot as in two years ganun... na hindi legal...magaling magtago! hehe.
....for the last week ng bakasyon, nasama ako sa pagdurusa... tama ba un?? hehe. nag host kami for Archdio BEC Exchange. Delegates fron the four vic. (grabe parang AYD, akala ko oo madali lang yan, pero wow, more that what I expected challenge para sa akin.... hindi ko na descride ko anu ung mga esaktong maramdama ko nun, ang hirap nung parang last minute maiiwan ng lahat ng tao ung mga trabaho, tapos sinong mananagot? ako! ...last minite gusto ko na din sabihin sa dalawa namin pari na... babalik nalang akong baguio! ...pero hindi ko gimawa, kasi nakita ko na may mga tao parin na naniniwala na kaya namin lampasan ung binigay sa amin na trabaho... sila ung mga nagiging lakas para matuloy un. Sa mga taong youn din ko maramdaman na kahit papano mahalaga pala ako sa mundo... (haha, ang drama! weeh, kahit papaano,dahil pag nawawala ako, hinahanap nila ako lagi... palagi, paano ba naman ako ang may hawak ng pera. hehe) Dito sa BEC exchange. ko nakita ung mga taong magpaiyak sa akin sa apostolate, mga taong hindi ko pa talaga nakasama, mga taong maging mentor ng mga mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko, mga maliliit na taong may malalaking kwento na talang dapat pakingkan, mga taong noon ko lang nakilala. Ang galing! Dito ko din nasubukan na makita ung mga hindi ordinaryomg kwento sa likod ng simbahan, ng parkya, ng kumbento, ng aming mga pari. (malungkot nam un, sana maauz pag dating ng panahon.)
.....At dahil naging sucessfull yun, nagkakaroon ng treat si fr. Anthny daw? at kailangan pa ischd syempre ah para nandun naman ako, para may joker at banker sila. hehe. I hope matuloy un, para kunyari celebration na ng birthday ko?? haha.. mapangarap!
.....At sana nakita ko na ang mag kabarkada ko, si inah... grabeh, sa haba ng bakasyon hindi man lang nagawa. Marami pa naman oras eh ...sa birthday ko??...haha. walang konek.
Haaay(-.-)
....ganyan ang naging short sembreak ko. Ndi siya naging kagulo kasaya, kabusy nung simula... haos nandun lang sa bahay all the time, tumulong sa parish youth apostolate?? ...ndi maxado kasi "I somewhat feel the barrier ng mga bago" sabi nga ng aking Loisian frengd na kaparish ko din. pero xempre miss ko na sila, kahit last minute na na pag sama sa yearly Halloween party pumunta parin kami, kahit uhm.. mga three years ko ng costume ung black lady. (hehehe). at napaka exotic na din ng batch namin, halos iilan nalang ata kami, ganun na ba kami ay ako katanda? ... i dont think sooo. (hahah)
... akala ko I will stay in Manila, sa tita ko for a week siguro.. fortunately hindi natuloy... dahil sa aking wrong interpretation.... haay naku, dahil sa isang maliit na katangahan. (hehe) matatawa nalang mga pinsan ko pag nabasa nila to. Anyweiz, pag uwi after nung reception nasiraan pa kani sa may Sm north Edsa... diba timimg? kaso hindi naman mga gurang kasi ung kasama ko kaya hindi nila gusto ung ganun... xempre naghintay lang ako hangang matapos un.. mga after three hours nasa pangasinan na naman ako.
....balik pangasinan na buhay, sa bahay ganun...may one time lang na nakalabas ang mga high school na kabarkada ko.. ang mga tropang c, kulang pa nga kami e si Tina, ayun dinalaw namin ang fren namin si Grace sa bahay nila sa Caranglaan, mga half day kami dun sa kwentuhan lang, ang lakilaki na ng baby niya, last time na nakita ko sya a day bago sya manganak. matagal na pala.. hehe. Gnun ang karaniwang lakad ng barkada namin sa bahay nila, kasi xempre ndi naman sya makakasama sa paglabas siguro pag malaki na ung baby niya.... Ang tangng gawain lang naman namin ung pagkain sa labas ng kung anu anu since high school ganun na kami, hangang ngaun... Siguro once every bakasyon lang kami nagkikita kita, kadalasan mahirap matuloy pa dahil nagkakaproblema ang isa... pero sooobrang miz ko na din sil dahil hindi man lang kami nabuo at magkita lahat (-.-). Idol ko tong mga kabarkada ko dahil sa mga relationships nila, bakit? .. dahil lahay sila years na ang inabot as in two years ganun... na hindi legal...magaling magtago! hehe.
....for the last week ng bakasyon, nasama ako sa pagdurusa... tama ba un?? hehe. nag host kami for Archdio BEC Exchange. Delegates fron the four vic. (grabe parang AYD, akala ko oo madali lang yan, pero wow, more that what I expected challenge para sa akin.... hindi ko na descride ko anu ung mga esaktong maramdama ko nun, ang hirap nung parang last minute maiiwan ng lahat ng tao ung mga trabaho, tapos sinong mananagot? ako! ...last minite gusto ko na din sabihin sa dalawa namin pari na... babalik nalang akong baguio! ...pero hindi ko gimawa, kasi nakita ko na may mga tao parin na naniniwala na kaya namin lampasan ung binigay sa amin na trabaho... sila ung mga nagiging lakas para matuloy un. Sa mga taong youn din ko maramdaman na kahit papano mahalaga pala ako sa mundo... (haha, ang drama! weeh, kahit papaano,dahil pag nawawala ako, hinahanap nila ako lagi... palagi, paano ba naman ako ang may hawak ng pera. hehe) Dito sa BEC exchange. ko nakita ung mga taong magpaiyak sa akin sa apostolate, mga taong hindi ko pa talaga nakasama, mga taong maging mentor ng mga mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko, mga maliliit na taong may malalaking kwento na talang dapat pakingkan, mga taong noon ko lang nakilala. Ang galing! Dito ko din nasubukan na makita ung mga hindi ordinaryomg kwento sa likod ng simbahan, ng parkya, ng kumbento, ng aming mga pari. (malungkot nam un, sana maauz pag dating ng panahon.)
.....At dahil naging sucessfull yun, nagkakaroon ng treat si fr. Anthny daw? at kailangan pa ischd syempre ah para nandun naman ako, para may joker at banker sila. hehe. I hope matuloy un, para kunyari celebration na ng birthday ko?? haha.. mapangarap!
.....At sana nakita ko na ang mag kabarkada ko, si inah... grabeh, sa haba ng bakasyon hindi man lang nagawa. Marami pa naman oras eh ...sa birthday ko??...haha. walang konek.
Haaay(-.-)
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Thank you!
salamat po sa lahat ng nakaalala atmakakaalala na bday ko ngaun!
sa lahat ng mga bumati... sa mga blockmates mga BsAc!
(salamat! kaya natin to mga tol..haay, speechless pa ako sa mga xams.sana maging klsmates ko pa din kau nxtsem)
...sa mga messiah!
(huh? hindi lang kau bumati... ung ibalang naman... nalimutan ako.. huh!tiningnan ko kau sa chapel la namankau, sa bagay xam week. naman. angdrama ko ay..)
...sa mga klasmates ko nung hayskul
(olpsian at johanines.. salamat! espsa mga tropang c na bumati sa akin..kala ko din nakalimutan nio na ko...quel at vine at kheng salamat.. chenglapit na din bday mo...kay icar na kabirthday ko.. happy birthday!october ians.. maligayang kaarawan!buddy! i really mis u!belated!)
...sa mga kapatid ko
(maraming salamat po!!!... anu kayaako pag wala kau?? hmm soxal! hehe.kila te helen, kuya joey, ate pat, ateven, ate jobz, ate lorena, zizbuneng_tama hula mo ngaun bday ko..!alam nio na kung sino kau.. salamat!)
...sa anak ko
(hahah.. di mo ako binati anongklase.. yaan mo hahanapin ko ama mo. )
...sa mga haousemates ko!
(thanx... sa pagbati... kahit nasakalye bumabati. hehe basta salamat!)
...sa mga kapamilya ko sa apostolate...sa lahat ng mga kapatid ko sa ibatibang parish at vic.(tensoo.. especially sa mga taga vic5. hehehe. weeh mis ko na kau!)
...sa mga sem..
(di ako binati! grr.. joke! lam niyo kung cnu kau...
...gel??
(dakdakel ya salamatahh..! for being part of me.. ...gel? what's the word again? hehehe! thank you... for being a gift to me. u'll forever be my angel! (wag mafeeling!) lam mo na un. soxalulit. hehe)
...sa mga inzan ko!
(grabeh, salamat sa pagpapatawa sakinngaun lalo na kay kuya bryan, grabeang sense of humor! hindi tuloy akomalungkot kunyari... wag pangnagaasawa ha...! salamat, ung gift mohindi pa nakararing! ate sol ung saudin.. jejeje. nag aacept pa dinako..kitakita next week!)
...sa rum8 frends ko!
(heidz, te aina at archie.. salamat sapagbati! teka nasan kau??? ndi ko kaumakita... sang lupalop kau ng earth,kls pa??)
...kay pete at badudz!
(salamat sa inyo... hmmm. labya bro en sis.!)
...sa nanay at tatay ko!
(na kausap ko kanina, words are not enough to thank you.. weh lam nio naun.. hehehe. lamat po! dahil sa inyo nabuo ako! hehe!)
...sa mama ko, nanay ko!
(grabeh lapit na kong umuwi!)
... kay God,
(thank u... for letting mesee life and feel it.u know all thingsu can do all things and u love me verymuch!)
Again everyone salamat po! thank you for influncing and simply being a apart of my eighteen years living on this world. Im glad kasi makilala at nakahanap ako ng mga tulad nio!
Thank you!
sa lahat ng mga bumati... sa mga blockmates mga BsAc!
(salamat! kaya natin to mga tol..haay, speechless pa ako sa mga xams.sana maging klsmates ko pa din kau nxtsem)
...sa mga messiah!
(huh? hindi lang kau bumati... ung ibalang naman... nalimutan ako.. huh!tiningnan ko kau sa chapel la namankau, sa bagay xam week. naman. angdrama ko ay..)
...sa mga klasmates ko nung hayskul
(olpsian at johanines.. salamat! espsa mga tropang c na bumati sa akin..kala ko din nakalimutan nio na ko...quel at vine at kheng salamat.. chenglapit na din bday mo...kay icar na kabirthday ko.. happy birthday!october ians.. maligayang kaarawan!buddy! i really mis u!belated!)
...sa mga kapatid ko
(maraming salamat po!!!... anu kayaako pag wala kau?? hmm soxal! hehe.kila te helen, kuya joey, ate pat, ateven, ate jobz, ate lorena, zizbuneng_tama hula mo ngaun bday ko..!alam nio na kung sino kau.. salamat!)
...sa anak ko
(hahah.. di mo ako binati anongklase.. yaan mo hahanapin ko ama mo. )
...sa mga haousemates ko!
(thanx... sa pagbati... kahit nasakalye bumabati. hehe basta salamat!)
...sa mga kapamilya ko sa apostolate...sa lahat ng mga kapatid ko sa ibatibang parish at vic.(tensoo.. especially sa mga taga vic5. hehehe. weeh mis ko na kau!)
...sa mga sem..
(di ako binati! grr.. joke! lam niyo kung cnu kau...
...gel??
(dakdakel ya salamatahh..! for being part of me.. ...gel? what's the word again? hehehe! thank you... for being a gift to me. u'll forever be my angel! (wag mafeeling!) lam mo na un. soxalulit. hehe)
...sa mga inzan ko!
(grabeh, salamat sa pagpapatawa sakinngaun lalo na kay kuya bryan, grabeang sense of humor! hindi tuloy akomalungkot kunyari... wag pangnagaasawa ha...! salamat, ung gift mohindi pa nakararing! ate sol ung saudin.. jejeje. nag aacept pa dinako..kitakita next week!)
...sa rum8 frends ko!
(heidz, te aina at archie.. salamat sapagbati! teka nasan kau??? ndi ko kaumakita... sang lupalop kau ng earth,kls pa??)
...kay pete at badudz!
(salamat sa inyo... hmmm. labya bro en sis.!)
...sa nanay at tatay ko!
(na kausap ko kanina, words are not enough to thank you.. weh lam nio naun.. hehehe. lamat po! dahil sa inyo nabuo ako! hehe!)
...sa mama ko, nanay ko!
(grabeh lapit na kong umuwi!)
... kay God,
(thank u... for letting mesee life and feel it.u know all thingsu can do all things and u love me verymuch!)
Again everyone salamat po! thank you for influncing and simply being a apart of my eighteen years living on this world. Im glad kasi makilala at nakahanap ako ng mga tulad nio!
Thank you!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Sandali...
Alam mo yun lahat ng tao gumagalaw, may tumatakbo at sumisigaw "intayin mo ako!"-- may mga ayaw maiwan. May mga taong napakabagal, maiiwan nga ba ng takbo? may mga mahuhuli. may mga tinitingalang nauuna. may mga nadadapa. may umiiyak at humihingi ng tulong at may mga tahimik na tumatayo at nagpapatuloy. Lahat ng tao gumagalaw.
Pero nasan ako? Minsan na akong nagkamali. Gusto kong makarating sa dulo, para matapos na ang lahat. Gusto kong makahinga ng malalim at lasapinang hangin pag-dating dun. Pabilisin ang oras at isigaw "Tama na!"
Per nasan ako? Minsan na din akong nadapa. Sa tindi ng hangarin nadulas, bumagsak... ang sakit. may gasgas, sugat at pasa. Aray! Tumayo at tinawanan ang sarili, binulong pa sa isip "kaya ko pa! alam kong marami nang nadapa at tumayo ulit.. kaya ko!"
Pero nasan ako? Minsan na akong tumigil sa pagtuloy ng paglalakbay para magtanong "nasan ako?" "nandito nga ba ako?". Sumagi pa nga sa isip ko "Hindi ba mapapansin kung bigla akong mawala, may magtatanong ba kung nasan ako? May titigil ba kung matatanaw niyang wala ako? Ewan. Cguro wala. Sabay sabing "Sino nga ba ako?" "Ikaw kilala mo ako?" "Ang kapal mo 'tol" "wag kang magdrama" "wag kang babalik, baka maiwan ka.."
Pero nasan ako? Hihilingin ko parin bang bumilis ang takbo ng mga kamay ng relo para matapos na... matapos ng walang patutunguhan at napag aralan. Sandali wag muna. Gugustuhin ko bang madapa, masugatan, masaktan, marinig pati ang pinakamaliit na pagsabi ng "inutil" at pinakamalakas na bulong na sigaw ng bawat taong dadaan at titingin lang. Sandali, wag muna alam ko kaya ko. Kailangan bang tumigil para magtanong kung walang kikilala at makakakilala sa akin, ako, sa buhay ko, sa pagkatao ko. Sandali wag muna. Alam ko kung sino ako.
Pero nasan ako? Heto nakaupo, dinarama ang malamig na hanging dumadampi sa mukha galing sa labas ng bintana. Naririnig ko ang bawat kalabog ng paa, gulong ng dadaan na sasakyan, busina, pagsara ng pinto, pagtunog ng plato, paglipat ng pahima ng libro, pag andar ng kamay ng relo, pagpatak ng ulansa labas, tahimik. Nakaupo, tinatanog ang sarili, Nasan ako? Buntong hininga sabay sabing may pupuntahan ako, may pangarap ako.
Teka, sobrang nakakabinging katahimikan na bumabalot sa isip at puso ko sa maingay na sigaw ng mundo. Wag muna, sandali, may pupuntahan ako, may pangarap ako.
Pero nasan ako? Minsan na akong nagkamali. Gusto kong makarating sa dulo, para matapos na ang lahat. Gusto kong makahinga ng malalim at lasapinang hangin pag-dating dun. Pabilisin ang oras at isigaw "Tama na!"
Per nasan ako? Minsan na din akong nadapa. Sa tindi ng hangarin nadulas, bumagsak... ang sakit. may gasgas, sugat at pasa. Aray! Tumayo at tinawanan ang sarili, binulong pa sa isip "kaya ko pa! alam kong marami nang nadapa at tumayo ulit.. kaya ko!"
Pero nasan ako? Minsan na akong tumigil sa pagtuloy ng paglalakbay para magtanong "nasan ako?" "nandito nga ba ako?". Sumagi pa nga sa isip ko "Hindi ba mapapansin kung bigla akong mawala, may magtatanong ba kung nasan ako? May titigil ba kung matatanaw niyang wala ako? Ewan. Cguro wala. Sabay sabing "Sino nga ba ako?" "Ikaw kilala mo ako?" "Ang kapal mo 'tol" "wag kang magdrama" "wag kang babalik, baka maiwan ka.."
Pero nasan ako? Hihilingin ko parin bang bumilis ang takbo ng mga kamay ng relo para matapos na... matapos ng walang patutunguhan at napag aralan. Sandali wag muna. Gugustuhin ko bang madapa, masugatan, masaktan, marinig pati ang pinakamaliit na pagsabi ng "inutil" at pinakamalakas na bulong na sigaw ng bawat taong dadaan at titingin lang. Sandali, wag muna alam ko kaya ko. Kailangan bang tumigil para magtanong kung walang kikilala at makakakilala sa akin, ako, sa buhay ko, sa pagkatao ko. Sandali wag muna. Alam ko kung sino ako.
Pero nasan ako? Heto nakaupo, dinarama ang malamig na hanging dumadampi sa mukha galing sa labas ng bintana. Naririnig ko ang bawat kalabog ng paa, gulong ng dadaan na sasakyan, busina, pagsara ng pinto, pagtunog ng plato, paglipat ng pahima ng libro, pag andar ng kamay ng relo, pagpatak ng ulansa labas, tahimik. Nakaupo, tinatanog ang sarili, Nasan ako? Buntong hininga sabay sabing may pupuntahan ako, may pangarap ako.
Teka, sobrang nakakabinging katahimikan na bumabalot sa isip at puso ko sa maingay na sigaw ng mundo. Wag muna, sandali, may pupuntahan ako, may pangarap ako.
Friday, September 14, 2007
senators on issues (polsci)
1.) What pressing social, political, economic issues would you focus on the senate?
a. social issues- As a senator, I would like to improve on the strengthening the rights of an individual in every status of life, lessen/ minimize the discrimination factors from the classification on social classes. Empower more on the foundation of the society which is the family—give more family oriented programs and works for them so that they can establish their lives more organize and to strictly do something about the family planning and its implementation.
b. Political Issues- I like to focus on the political dynasties, very strict implementations of laws even to the makers of the law and the implementers of the law
c. Economic Issues- Focus more on the economic stability—programs that will do something that will comparatively contribute to the stability of the peso- dollar rate, stability of the GNP. Focus on the good relationship on local and foreign investors. Most important focus on empowering the small scale business entrepreneur.
2.) What bills are you going to prioritize as a senator?
As a senator, I want to focus mere on the health, to pass a bill about the standardization of the medicine and the medical products, so that the consumers may have a great deal and lessen the problems on medicine overpricing. Another is the bill about the strict implementation of the medical background of the medical personnel so that the people will somewhat be assured of their health. Another is to add more program and bills for the implement and upgrading of the medical field, the Medicare program in particular.
3.) How do you intend to use the pork barrel?
The country wide development fund (CDF) or the so called Priority Development Assistance fund ( PDAF) as a senator I’ll be given about P200 million. I’ll spend for the health care, indigent patients, at public hospitals and do something about the problem of lack of medicines, equipment and facilities. A more budget for the funds used for the health of indigent people. A scholarship program on the carrier threat--- professionals—the doctors, nurses, educators ect. Train them very well, this program is for the lower class for them to use their abilityto showcase more and enhance the the capacities and capabilities. Another portion is savings in case in case of calamities or any other case of emnergency. I will use the pork barrel money in distributing additional funds for this and empowering the other parts of the government especially the local.
Bills and implementing about the following:
The Philippine Economy. We need to attract investments through incentives and better value-creation for companies investing in the Philippines.
Without a substantial increase in foreign investments in our country, we will not be able to generate jobs for our countrymen.
We need to give incentives to Filipinos who are returning home to invest and set up businesses in the Philippines. We need to give incentives to the SMEs for starting up enterprises and creating jobs for workers.
Healthcare. Every Filipino’s health is important. We need to take a look at how we can lower healthcare costs and make healthcare services more affordable to the masses. We need to address family planning other health-related issues in the country.
Education. It’s time that we introduce measures to increase the quality of education in the Philippines. Also, we need to ensure that every Filipino child is not deprived of the right to education. The children are the future of our nation and I strongly believe we must invest in education more than we do for the other areas of our society.
Governance and Unity. We must stand as a nation and be proud of our homeland. However, we must work towards a clean, honest, transparent and united government. Graft and corruption among the government ranks must be checked. Accountability by and lifestyle check of every government employee should become an integral part of the Government’s management agenda.
Peace, Order and Harmony. With the threats of terrorism and the unresolved insurgency problem, we need to work towards achieving national peace, order and harmony.
4.) How would you intend to use your power as a senator to check on executive abuses?
As a senator, under the legislative department. I will deeply encourage to be accurate and precise in doing the checks and balances on each and every branch. Have more and organize investigation of the legislation for the executive and appropriate and more realistic and realizable budget for the year.
5.) In your capacity as a senator of the republic how would you secure economic and political stability?
To secure political stability, I will do more in sustaining and acting immediately on the current political and economic issues so that these will have an immediate cure on the issues and problems and these will have no impact on or lesser impact on the bigger political and economic status. To sustain this, there will have an effect on the equilibrium like the dollar-peso exchange rate, the stock market, the GNP rate, the people-people relationship, the people state relationship. These simple ways can make a big impact on the political and the economic stability.
a. social issues- As a senator, I would like to improve on the strengthening the rights of an individual in every status of life, lessen/ minimize the discrimination factors from the classification on social classes. Empower more on the foundation of the society which is the family—give more family oriented programs and works for them so that they can establish their lives more organize and to strictly do something about the family planning and its implementation.
b. Political Issues- I like to focus on the political dynasties, very strict implementations of laws even to the makers of the law and the implementers of the law
c. Economic Issues- Focus more on the economic stability—programs that will do something that will comparatively contribute to the stability of the peso- dollar rate, stability of the GNP. Focus on the good relationship on local and foreign investors. Most important focus on empowering the small scale business entrepreneur.
2.) What bills are you going to prioritize as a senator?
As a senator, I want to focus mere on the health, to pass a bill about the standardization of the medicine and the medical products, so that the consumers may have a great deal and lessen the problems on medicine overpricing. Another is the bill about the strict implementation of the medical background of the medical personnel so that the people will somewhat be assured of their health. Another is to add more program and bills for the implement and upgrading of the medical field, the Medicare program in particular.
3.) How do you intend to use the pork barrel?
The country wide development fund (CDF) or the so called Priority Development Assistance fund ( PDAF) as a senator I’ll be given about P200 million. I’ll spend for the health care, indigent patients, at public hospitals and do something about the problem of lack of medicines, equipment and facilities. A more budget for the funds used for the health of indigent people. A scholarship program on the carrier threat--- professionals—the doctors, nurses, educators ect. Train them very well, this program is for the lower class for them to use their abilityto showcase more and enhance the the capacities and capabilities. Another portion is savings in case in case of calamities or any other case of emnergency. I will use the pork barrel money in distributing additional funds for this and empowering the other parts of the government especially the local.
Bills and implementing about the following:
The Philippine Economy. We need to attract investments through incentives and better value-creation for companies investing in the Philippines.
Without a substantial increase in foreign investments in our country, we will not be able to generate jobs for our countrymen.
We need to give incentives to Filipinos who are returning home to invest and set up businesses in the Philippines. We need to give incentives to the SMEs for starting up enterprises and creating jobs for workers.
Healthcare. Every Filipino’s health is important. We need to take a look at how we can lower healthcare costs and make healthcare services more affordable to the masses. We need to address family planning other health-related issues in the country.
Education. It’s time that we introduce measures to increase the quality of education in the Philippines. Also, we need to ensure that every Filipino child is not deprived of the right to education. The children are the future of our nation and I strongly believe we must invest in education more than we do for the other areas of our society.
Governance and Unity. We must stand as a nation and be proud of our homeland. However, we must work towards a clean, honest, transparent and united government. Graft and corruption among the government ranks must be checked. Accountability by and lifestyle check of every government employee should become an integral part of the Government’s management agenda.
Peace, Order and Harmony. With the threats of terrorism and the unresolved insurgency problem, we need to work towards achieving national peace, order and harmony.
4.) How would you intend to use your power as a senator to check on executive abuses?
As a senator, under the legislative department. I will deeply encourage to be accurate and precise in doing the checks and balances on each and every branch. Have more and organize investigation of the legislation for the executive and appropriate and more realistic and realizable budget for the year.
5.) In your capacity as a senator of the republic how would you secure economic and political stability?
To secure political stability, I will do more in sustaining and acting immediately on the current political and economic issues so that these will have an immediate cure on the issues and problems and these will have no impact on or lesser impact on the bigger political and economic status. To sustain this, there will have an effect on the equilibrium like the dollar-peso exchange rate, the stock market, the GNP rate, the people-people relationship, the people state relationship. These simple ways can make a big impact on the political and the economic stability.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
crush questions
Do u have a crush?
ata..haha!
What letter does it ends with?
"A" ata, ndi ko nga alam ni pangalan.
What Classroom is him/her?
huh? di ko dn lam.. hahaha
Do you love him/her till you die?
di pa..like to know more...
Do you have bad intentions withhim/her?
haha! wala mxado!
Does he/she know that you have a crushon him/her?
of corz not! never? nyek!
What is your type?
cmple..basta ung kumakain ng siopao sacorridor ng silang! nyayaya! sum1 huwud hate me instead of loving me so much..
Do you want him/her to know that youhave a crush on him/her?
ayyy, ndi nalang... sikat ata xa eh.
What's the craziest thing that youhave done to him/her?
to say "gudlak!" to their competition,crazy ba un? hehehe
If you were given a chance to talk tohim/her, what would you like to tellhim/her?
speahless??? musta cguro, after a longtym na??
How long mo na syang crush?him/her?
nito lang, para my crush naman.
Now the last question:
What's the most memorable moment youhave experienced with him/her?
when i stayed and do one project...andarguing for that sooo much!
ata..haha!
What letter does it ends with?
"A" ata, ndi ko nga alam ni pangalan.
What Classroom is him/her?
huh? di ko dn lam.. hahaha
Do you love him/her till you die?
di pa..like to know more...
Do you have bad intentions withhim/her?
haha! wala mxado!
Does he/she know that you have a crushon him/her?
of corz not! never? nyek!
What is your type?
cmple..basta ung kumakain ng siopao sacorridor ng silang! nyayaya! sum1 huwud hate me instead of loving me so much..
Do you want him/her to know that youhave a crush on him/her?
ayyy, ndi nalang... sikat ata xa eh.
What's the craziest thing that youhave done to him/her?
to say "gudlak!" to their competition,crazy ba un? hehehe
If you were given a chance to talk tohim/her, what would you like to tellhim/her?
speahless??? musta cguro, after a longtym na??
How long mo na syang crush?him/her?
nito lang, para my crush naman.
Now the last question:
What's the most memorable moment youhave experienced with him/her?
when i stayed and do one project...andarguing for that sooo much!
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Thursday, August 09, 2007
No wonder! ( my nxt in line speech)
We tell them we care for them yet we hurt them. We tell them we love them yet we hurt them no wonder why people are afraid when they are told they are loved.
I for one, I'm afraid to love! that's a fact and forever be a fact that's embedded in my heart. I don't want to cry for the wrong reason and the wrong person one day. I don"t want to be like then stammering for that stupid thing. I'm afraid to be Hurt. I'm afraid to fail. Until in an unexpected place, time and unexpected person changed my life. He taught me to laugh, to cry, to be strong. He simply taught me life long lesson I don't ever want to learn and I will never ever forget-- to Love! Everything since then was so perfect. I could say I experience to be happy. Until I forgot... I forgot that happiness in his life means without me... without me, but with God. I forgot that he wasn't meant to stay forever, not forever. After a long time a got a chance to meet him again, He smiled at me and I did the same, he asked if I'm okay I smiled and nodded then words instantly came out of my mind. . . .I miss the laughter and the tears, the ups and downs we'ved faced, the places we'ved gone, the people we changed, the songs we used to sang together, I miss his voice, I miss him, I miss us. I hugged him tight and tears fell from my eyes. God, that's how I still love him and then. . . and then I woke up!!!
I for one, I'm afraid to love! that's a fact and forever be a fact that's embedded in my heart. I don't want to cry for the wrong reason and the wrong person one day. I don"t want to be like then stammering for that stupid thing. I'm afraid to be Hurt. I'm afraid to fail. Until in an unexpected place, time and unexpected person changed my life. He taught me to laugh, to cry, to be strong. He simply taught me life long lesson I don't ever want to learn and I will never ever forget-- to Love! Everything since then was so perfect. I could say I experience to be happy. Until I forgot... I forgot that happiness in his life means without me... without me, but with God. I forgot that he wasn't meant to stay forever, not forever. After a long time a got a chance to meet him again, He smiled at me and I did the same, he asked if I'm okay I smiled and nodded then words instantly came out of my mind. . . .I miss the laughter and the tears, the ups and downs we'ved faced, the places we'ved gone, the people we changed, the songs we used to sang together, I miss his voice, I miss him, I miss us. I hugged him tight and tears fell from my eyes. God, that's how I still love him and then. . . and then I woke up!!!
Friday, August 03, 2007
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Please Listen to what I am not saying.
Dont be fooled by me. Dont be fooled by the mask i wear for I wear a mask a thousand mask and none of then is me.
Pretending is an act to imitate to make false of ourselves because of some factors one of which is to please others, we want them to feel mthat were secure that all is sunny and unruffled within as well as without. That confidence is the name and coolness is the name.
But behind dwells the real me in confusion fear and aloneness. But I hide this that's why I create a mask to sheild from the glance that knows, glance that's precisely my salvation. I am afraid that this glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. I am afraid that you'll think less of me that you'll laugh and ypure laugh will kill me. That deep down I'm nothing. I know its the only thing that will asure me of what I cannot assure myself that I'm really worth something. So, I play this desperate pretending game, with a fascade assurance of without and a trembling child within. I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
Pretending is an act to imitate to make false of ourselves because of some factors one of which is to please others, we want them to feel mthat were secure that all is sunny and unruffled within as well as without. That confidence is the name and coolness is the name.
But behind dwells the real me in confusion fear and aloneness. But I hide this that's why I create a mask to sheild from the glance that knows, glance that's precisely my salvation. I am afraid that this glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. I am afraid that you'll think less of me that you'll laugh and ypure laugh will kill me. That deep down I'm nothing. I know its the only thing that will asure me of what I cannot assure myself that I'm really worth something. So, I play this desperate pretending game, with a fascade assurance of without and a trembling child within. I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Bakit nga ba?
Bakit nga ba?
Kinakailangan ba ng dahilan
Para magmahal ng lubusan?
Kinakailangan baa ng rason
Para ipaagpaatuloy ang nasimulan?
Kinakailangan bang itago
Kung di kayang ipaglaban?
Kinakailangan bang umiyak
Para pakiramdam ay maging tiyak?
Kinakailaangan bang lumuha
Para maging masaya?
Kinakailangan bang lumaya
Para masabing nagmahal ka?
Naakakalito, laging di mapagtanto
Kung bakit nga ba umaabot sa ganito
Puso nga ba'y manhid ng todo?
o, ayaw lang palitan tinitibok nitong totoo?
Wala man lang kayang umintindi
...dahil hindi man lang kayang ikubli
Katahimikan nga ba aang magaayos?
O, saaadya nga bang tunay naa maglalayo?
Pero baakit nga ba?
Ang gulo... ang hirap...
Mahiwaga...
Pero baakit ka nga ba NagMahaL?!?
Kinakailangan ba ng dahilan
Para magmahal ng lubusan?
Kinakailangan baa ng rason
Para ipaagpaatuloy ang nasimulan?
Kinakailangan bang itago
Kung di kayang ipaglaban?
Kinakailangan bang umiyak
Para pakiramdam ay maging tiyak?
Kinakailaangan bang lumuha
Para maging masaya?
Kinakailangan bang lumaya
Para masabing nagmahal ka?
Naakakalito, laging di mapagtanto
Kung bakit nga ba umaabot sa ganito
Puso nga ba'y manhid ng todo?
o, ayaw lang palitan tinitibok nitong totoo?
Wala man lang kayang umintindi
...dahil hindi man lang kayang ikubli
Katahimikan nga ba aang magaayos?
O, saaadya nga bang tunay naa maglalayo?
Pero baakit nga ba?
Ang gulo... ang hirap...
Mahiwaga...
Pero baakit ka nga ba NagMahaL?!?
07.19.07
Why Should I?
...belive, when there's no hope
...blame, you for loving me and not fighting till the end
...cry, when there is no tears that comes from a wounded heart
...die, when you make me feel alive
...hate you, when everything you did simply make and break my heart
...ignore, when I simply can't
...keep you, when I already knew that you're not for me
...love you, when I don't know if you still love me
...remember, when all youre saying is forget
...stay, if I reaaalize thaat I don't have any reason to
Why should I tell this to you,
.. when it seems you don't even want to listen.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
shall we daance the cha cha?
No! Charter Change literary means to make or to differ the document (Constitution) to grant other privileges. Change, I think we are not yet ready; today is not the right time. Recently, we had the senatorial and the local elections, another batch of government official that will lead the people. If we pursue for this cha- cha, probably everything will stop—in terms of governance. Time-consuming, for a charter change to take place, they will need the congress or the constitutional conventions by the constitutional commission—people who will be elected to revised or amend the constitution. Money – funds that they will be using are from the taxes from the people.
Change could not take place at a snap of a finger. Cha- cha has no assurance of the betterment of our country and our government itself. It will only mean that we will start all over again. If they want some changes, they could make some amendments of some laws. I also think that change should not start in our fundamental laws and the king of government we have, but to the implementers of the law, they should be personally guided by the laws they implement, they should learn it by heart, and to us— citizens. If we will be united in thoughts and in deeds for sure we will help one another for the betterment of our country as well as ourselves.
Change could not take place at a snap of a finger. Cha- cha has no assurance of the betterment of our country and our government itself. It will only mean that we will start all over again. If they want some changes, they could make some amendments of some laws. I also think that change should not start in our fundamental laws and the king of government we have, but to the implementers of the law, they should be personally guided by the laws they implement, they should learn it by heart, and to us— citizens. If we will be united in thoughts and in deeds for sure we will help one another for the betterment of our country as well as ourselves.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
PUZZEL
Puzzel... missing pieces... simplicity... courage.. life! Words that possibly describe me, myself and my life.
On the stormy dawn of October 9, 1989 i was born. Eldest among the three siblings of my parents. They gave me the name Korina Carla which means "strong young girl". I was raised, grew up and studied under a Paulinian Institution in Antipolo. Everythimg since then was so typical. . . . until we moved to the province, little by little im starting to hate people around me. Why? Simply because I thought they remove us from the life that we desreve. I thought. Since then I want to prove to them something. I want to challenged myself to be a better daughter. Five years of staying in the province made me realize that everything God does in our life happends for a reason, finding out the reason would relly take time, but it will surely fulfill a missing piece in my life. Knowing God through the people around me, changed my outlook in life, they taught me how to love and to be loved during all those times I thought all things were wrong. Hate became my fuel to have courage. Music became my language. music simply taught me that adventure and fun are the products of the most challenging pieces of the world. Fear became the biggest obstacle in my life. I entered college. I am yet divulge into another bittersweet approach in growing. I felt like a mere stick on the big population of the real world. One door had to shut behind me, but another had to open to show that reality can be as beautiful as magical puzzel pieces that will complite me and my life.
On the stormy dawn of October 9, 1989 i was born. Eldest among the three siblings of my parents. They gave me the name Korina Carla which means "strong young girl". I was raised, grew up and studied under a Paulinian Institution in Antipolo. Everythimg since then was so typical. . . . until we moved to the province, little by little im starting to hate people around me. Why? Simply because I thought they remove us from the life that we desreve. I thought. Since then I want to prove to them something. I want to challenged myself to be a better daughter. Five years of staying in the province made me realize that everything God does in our life happends for a reason, finding out the reason would relly take time, but it will surely fulfill a missing piece in my life. Knowing God through the people around me, changed my outlook in life, they taught me how to love and to be loved during all those times I thought all things were wrong. Hate became my fuel to have courage. Music became my language. music simply taught me that adventure and fun are the products of the most challenging pieces of the world. Fear became the biggest obstacle in my life. I entered college. I am yet divulge into another bittersweet approach in growing. I felt like a mere stick on the big population of the real world. One door had to shut behind me, but another had to open to show that reality can be as beautiful as magical puzzel pieces that will complite me and my life.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
loving like the rain
I want to love like the rain . . .
it pours so hard but it takes so slow to fade and when its gone at leaves something behind, it cries a tearful pain but it washes away hurts, it seldoms comes but its just up there.I guess i'll be like this: holding on, till my cloud decides to let me go.
it pours so hard but it takes so slow to fade and when its gone at leaves something behind, it cries a tearful pain but it washes away hurts, it seldoms comes but its just up there.I guess i'll be like this: holding on, till my cloud decides to let me go.
Gusto
Minsan sa buhay kailangang magpakatotoo
nang sa ganon ay makaiwas sa gulo
kinakailangang buksan ang isip nang utak ay di maburo
sana ay makapagsalita ng ayon sa tono
Isigaw sa mundo ang lahat ng ating gusto
para marinig ang luha at kabog. . .
Gusto kong malaman niyo na ako'y ako
at kailanma'y di mababago
Sana matanggap ang ganito
ang isang tulad ko'y hindi nino man mababago
Gusto kong sabihin ako rin ay tao
Kaya puso sana'y wag sugatan
Sana malaman niyo na ako'y nagkakamali
at ang damdamin ay madaling masawi
Gusto kong ipaalam sa inyong lahat
na hindi ako matapang! Hindi ako malakas
na sa isang libong tao ay kayang suungin ng tulad ko
at sa isang patak ng luha kayang madurog ang puso ko
Gusto kong umiyak pero luha'y di kayang pumatak
Dahil alam ko na dito sa puso 'ko
May natitirang pagmamahal na sa puso mo rin ay kakatok
Sana ay tanggapin nang buhay ay magbago
Gusto kong ika'y makinig. . .
sa bawat salitang hindi ko sinasambit
sa dampi ng patak ng tubig na dumadaloy sa pisngi
sa bawat kabog ng aking dibdib
Gusto kong malaman mo
ginawa ko lahat para mapasaya ka
Sinabi lahat para maintindihan
Pinilit ipaliwang dahil ika'y mahalaga
Simple man akong tao
Isang payak na bata
Nawa'y iyong bigyan ng pansin
Sana'y iyong alalahanin at kailanman wag limutin.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
second year..
the toxifying, nose bleed and internal hemmorage Bs Accountancy Quota.. this sem. Will we make it or not...??!? It will of couse depend on the people who will mold us, ur instructors... (waah) the terroristic and celbrities... hope that they will help us pass the qouta grade. and that will surely depend on us. a choice between heaven and hell? (wahaha).Gudluck!Godbless!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)