pieces

princess

christmas break nah.

sa wakas tapos na lahat ng exams ko for prlims... hehehe. waaah. haaay.
ibigsabihin pwede na akong matulog at magpahinga.


waaaah. naging toxic this past weeks ee.
bakit?

-kasi mxado akong naaning tatlong org. naiipit ako sa gitna (alam ko ako naman talaga may kasalanan ee) maxado akong nawili at napamahal na naman sa bagong org [pero hindi ko kayang iwanan ang dati kong org)


magulo. masaya. malungkot. ewn.



sana this christmas break makapag isip isip ako, ng mga bagay2. haaay.

when it is good to ba a quitter?

sometimes the best way to move ahead in life is to admit that you've had enough.





that sometimes, giving up someting can bring a sense of relief and ease.







Just like stepping out of an old pair of pants...






...that no longer fits.

sadness.

it cannot be merely seen by looking but by feeling.

ayaw ko din namang mging Emo

frm "betzies" group

[COLOR=firebrick][FONT=Arial] :? :? :?


[SIZE=4][B][/B] [/SIZE]

bakit sila gnyan? wala na silang ginawa kundi painisin ang mga babae?

well, bahala sila!!!!!
tama si jhe dapat ganyan no boys? (hehehe)
siguro crushes pwede pa
(cge mamaya mgahahanap ako ng crush ko.. weeeh, to make urself happy. db? db?)

at reg magpost ka din dito ahh.. si mike walang kwenta.. wag mo lang punuin ang puso mo ng galit... (nakakatakot un) learn to forgive him dahil syempre mahal mo siya.




[U[B]]***makakahanap din tau ng right guy, cgruro in ur case dpa siya dumarating and in my case DI PA SIYA PINAPANGANAK (hehehe)***[/U]love, love, love![/B]

tama na yan... nakakasawa nakakarindi... nakakainis.
sino ba kasing nag imbento niyan ah.. naku..
ewan ko ba.. hmmmmm.... hmmmmm...


maxado na naman ata akong nagiging "manhid"
sa ngaun mas nabuti yung ganito para wala kang maramdamang kahit ano, di ka pa masasaktan. dba? kaso lang nga "bitter ba ako? " hindi naman dba? pinag aaralan kong wag maging bitter... pero bitter things make me sustain my life// hehehe.

gagaling din ako. :( [/FONT][/COLOR]

CC: Soo much for love!

minsan nakakasawa na din pag usapan ang love... nakakabagot... nakakainis kasi paulit ulit nalang ung mga nagyayari... mamaya masaya ka... bukas nasaktan ka na..


naisip ko nakakasawa din kaya mag mahal?

anong klaseng tanong.


oo? cguro pag napagod ka cguro hindi ka nga masyadong nagmahal (basehan ba yun? ang alam ko hindi) Pwede ka naman kasing mapagod pero hindi ka prin titigil dba? hindi ko alam... cguro ayaw ko munang marinig ang tungkol dyan sandali nabibingi na kasi ako sa katahimikan ng sarili ko eh. Nakakatakot.


Hindi ko na kasi alam kung san ko ilulugar ang sarili ko minsan. (wala naman akong dapat lugaran. hmmmm)


Ewan.


Pero naniniwala ako na kahit gaano mo saktan ang isang tao kung mahal ka nga niya mahal ka niya talaga. Kasi kaya niyang tanggapin yung mga ganung bagay galing sa'yo, kahit pa nasakit. Ka-martyran? Un ba un? hmmmm... di ka pa naman papatayin sa luneta nun. Haha.


Maxado na bang matapang?

Hindi pa din gaano.

Kung may nagbago, natutuo na akong maniwala sa sarili kong mga desisyon, panindigan sa sinasabi ng isip at puso ko, ipaglaban yun gusto ko at bagay na sa tingin ko tama (hindi nga lang sa love) kundi sa buhay (buhay estudyante) hindi man ako matalino pero alam ko ring mag isip ng mga bagay kahit papano. Ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ngayon... Patunayan sa mundo na hindi mali ang maging desisyon ko na hindi sila sundin. Mahirap? oo! pero kakayanin ko yun..!




sana. napapagod na kasi ako.

stupid me!

I really don't know how to explain what I'm feeling.. I don't know if I should be happy because at last after years I saw him and after all these time I finally told him not to be assured of too much love from me.


Too much braveness.

It's killing me...I don't intend to Hurt him. my point is for him to realize that Love is not always loving people in silence.. it's about proving to the world that yuo love a person and letting them realize that they are special. I really don't know the impact of my "harsh" words on him... he could hate me.. hate me! =(. For sure I don't want that to happen.


Hopefully, one day he could prove to me that I'm not wrong. I don't want distance to make and break me again... Hopefully, one day I will personally understand why this is happening to me. Hopefully one day, He will also be brave enough to say and let me feel that I'm again loved (if he do?). I don't want to expect, it kills me faster, it hurts my heart and leave it wounded. Hopefully, one day I could say that I have again my angel, that sometime left me. Hopefully one day, I learn how to accept things, one day I could say I love and I'm brave to love over and over again.
One day, he will finally found what he is looking for... and that one day he can also realize that I still love him. Hopefully one day he could say that he became happy because of me.



One day everything will be alright.
Hopefully, I will not be sad. =(

yellow cab (only a dream)

da trio (delphz, me, heidz)

batang akalat kalat sa Sm.

Mcdo session wid messiah!

Pasaway ako dito eh.. hehehe. Hay!

I hate people that remind me I'm stupid!

I dont really know how to deal with them. I really feel stupid, because they underestimate me as a person who couldnt feel anything. I really hate them.

because he remind me that I'm stupid enough not to love. =(

Can that happen?

Myspace Layouts


Maybe yes maybe no. As they say what's constant is change... youre feelings today maybe different tommorow.. you could love a person today and hate him completely tommorow. We can never tell how certain we are. But I think, letting them realize how you really feel for them today is better than ignoring them..because it's hard to regret one day. Running fron safety is more deadly. Delaying things doen't really end them.


As I always say, people does things for a reason.

bakasyon nah...

“Serving with a missionary Heart”

How did NSTP affect my life? Such a silly question when I first heard it. I really don’t know how to answer that in multiple sentences. But my mind of one word “PATIENCE”.

I’ve work for about three months in the office mingling with different people with different folks of life. I did work that somewhat new to me. I worked two months as a clerical staff. At first it really tests my courage to continue pursuing my job, since then I start saying to myself that I wouldn’t be here if not for something. I pursue despite many things that pushes me not to. I thought of reasons why should I stay, one most important thing is that I know that this NSTP apostolate will help me grow into a better me in time. After about five months, spending about almost one hundred hours this semester, finishing my apostolate proved me that reasons.

It will really test how far would you go for something you are uncertain of. It will test your courage on how you will balance your life with your studies and your work as a student doing your apostolate. It will measure how you are willing to sacrifice, time, and effort for deed that others might not understand. It will certainly answer a lot of questions that involves people, which involves life. It will test your patience how far can you go on life itself. Now, I’m realizing that NSTP is not just a mere course in college to take up for you to graduate. But it is a concrete training ground of the world itself. Because it will help you learn lessons the hard way. It will help you lessons learned and applied at once. It will help you learn lessons you can use throughout you life. I could say it wasn’t meant to be a mere course; it came as a course to stand with a purpose. And that purpose depends on how you handle everything.

I have a vision of what I really want in my life, I passed the test of an apostolate that I will surely say and proved that “Serving with a missionary heart” . I helped. I learn. I’m happy seeing and feeling that I learned a lot, I touched , and in some way I transformed lives. And in doing such all you need are FAITH, LOVE for your work and so much PATIENCE.

YOU

(written Feb 25 2008. Poem about how small I see myself.. how I want to unwrap the contradiction of love that I see from the poeple around me.)

I hate to feel stupid as always
I hate to come up with the noise that bangs my heart
I hate to cry for the reasons they can't understand
I hate to be sad when everyone seems happy
I hate to feel lonely, alone, sad
I hate the coldness of my hand when sun strikes
I hate my tears from falling
I hate to think that I'm simply a loser
I hate decisions that prove I'm wrong
I hate situations that made me realize I'm a mistake
I hate sacrifices that requires my whole
I hate letting go that simply prove too much braveness


I hate the understanding of how I pity myself inside
I hate every smile they can give
I hate loving me.


I know I'm not worthy.

Rain

(written Aug 28 2008. Poem on how to value tears that brings out things that even our words cannot express.)

Let the sky fall its tears for me

For I can't show any sign of weakness here

I just love letting the water tickled

Upon my face, for it knows

How to wash the pains and burdens

In my heart

I thank the sky for letting me show

What I really felt today.

Sad. Empty. Cold.

Bitterness

(A poem about an unexpected person that came in your life, ta the time that you're sure of what you really feel, he suddenly surrenders)

You never expected,

He'll come your way

You never expected,

He's the person you'll fall in love this way

You trusted every word,

He said

You didn't care what other people say

Just when you're ready,

To fall in Love

Just when you think,

The moment is right

He tells you,

He's giving up the fight.

nineteen years....

nineteen years.

parang kailan lang ang labing siam na taon...
syempre wala yung mga taon na yun kung di dahil sa mga tao at bagay- bagay na nakasama, tumulong sa akin sa mga taon na 'to...


"thank you for making me realize I'm alive"

Salamat.

Sa mga taong naging kasama ko sa bawat tawanan, lungkot, iyakan.
Sa pagbibigay ng pag-asa sa mga pangarap natin.
Sa pag-alala kahit malayo ako.
Sa di pagkalimot.
Sa pagtuturo sa akin na hindi lang musika yung dapat matutunan, puso, pamiya.
Sa pagtuturo sa akin ng mga bagay na hindi natuturo ng iba.
Sa pagpapadama na importante ako.
Sa pagiging anyan.
Sa pag kalinga.
Sa pagpapaalala na ang buhay ay may pag-asa.
Sa pagpapasaya.
Sa pagpapaiyak.
Sa pagiwan.
Sa pagtanggap.
Sa pagintindi.
Sa pagtitiis.
Sa hirap.
Sa pakikinig.
Sa pagtitiwala.
Sa pagkakaibigan.
Sa inspirasyon.
Sa pagmamahal.
Sa pagiging parte ng buhay ko.


Hindi nagiging kumpleto ang buhay ko, ang labing siam na taon, ang "korina carla quinto targa" kung hindi ka dumating sa buhay ko. Salamat sa pagiging IKAW. Salamat sa lahat ng sakripisyo.

Sana sa mga susunod pang taon, di ka makakalimot, di ka magbabago.
Sana sa mga susunod kong gagawin sa buhay ko maiintindihan mo.
Sana matuto na akong magdesisyon, gumawa ng bagay-bagay na takot ako.
Sana maramdaman ko at maintindihan ko na hindi lahat ng bagay dapat natin malaman at hindi lahat ng tanong kailangan ng sagot... at hindi lahat ng dapat intindihin kailangan intindihin.

****************

Mahirap ang buhay.
...kung iisipin natin na mahirap
...kung mararamdaman nating mahirap

pero di pa dun nagtatapos ang buhay
... masaya din naman.

may mga taong dumarating para mapakita at mapadama sa atin yon.


Simple lang ang buhay.

iiyak.
tatawa.


gumugulo.
humihirap.

kadalasan dahil din sa'yo
(ikaw yung mismong gumagawa ng mga bagay na kinatatakutan mo, mga bagay na prinoproblema mo, mga bagay na makakasakit sa'yo)


***yun yung isang mahalagang natutunan ko.***


don't expect that much from me...
(hindi naman ako magaling o matalino)

nakakamatay ang mga expectations sa buhay.
minsan baka di mo namalayan yun na minsan papatay sa'yo.

hindi lahat ng bagay dapat natin malaman

hindi lahat ng tanong kailangan ng sagot...

at hindi lahat ng dapat intindihin kailangan intindihin.


"hindi hinuhulaan ang sagot sa tanong, hindi hinahanap ang sagot, kailangan mong gumawa ng sarili mong sagot sa mga tanong mo"

para sa huli wala kang ibang sisihin kundi ang sarili mo.
dahil walang ibang nakakaramdam ng nararamdaman mo
at walang ibang nakakaisip ng naiisip mo.

***ilan lang yon sa mga natutunan ko***
at mas marami pa akong matutunan sa mga susunod pang taon.


Pati IKAW, marami pa akong bagay na matutunan sa'yo.
kaya wag kang aalis, sasamahan mo pa ako.

meet "MIG"

He is my newest and biggest ever stuffed toy na aso sa buhay ko... (hehe).

Actually pangaprap ko lang yun gnun eh, ahm meron naman ako naliliit na aso at pusa...

...tapos last September 30, napasaakin si "MIG"

saan?

unexpectedly, nagpunta kaming session road (hindi sya dun nabili.. hehe) sa isang lugar na hindi mo alam marami palang stuffed toys... sa UK. (di mo ba alam kung san yun, dadalhin kita dun pag umakyat ka dito sa baguio...). Wala talaga akong balak bumili ng kahit ano. Tapos nakita ko 'tong eye catching na snoopy na sobrang laki at cuddly. Ayun, binalik balikan ko siya hanggang sa ayun talagang akin na siya.

Para kahit papano naman mafulfill ko dream ko. ( hayaan nyo na ako..pagbigyan).

Birthday gift ko yan sa sarili ko eh.. how sweet noh, *thank you k.c.*

hindi ka ba nagtataka bakit "mig"?

may korning kwento yun...

after kasi naming pumunta sa "toy kingdom ng u.k." pumunta kami sa isang comedy bar dito ba baguio (actually gusto lang namin nag videoke, kaso wala ng bukas kaya sa iba kami napunta). Sa D 4th (the fort) . Di ganun kadami ang mga tao.. at may nakasabay pa pala kaming celebrity dun, si warren ng pinoy idol (katabi lang namin sila, hindi ganun kagwapo at ka popular dito). Anyway walang konek ang mig dun..hehe. Mig. San Mig. Nyahahaha. oo, first tym kong uminom nun... hehe matagal ko nagustong itry matikman yun eh... pero iba tinatagay ko. (Hmm, bata ka pa k.c. haha). Mapait, syempre... "bitterness" ung isang meaning nun. I should realize and remember thru "mig" na masamang maging Bitter sa Buhay.

Napakagandang pagpapaalala... (hehe). Tama yun, para hindi ko makalimutan, memory gap eh.

*how do you heal a broken heart* pix. nice =)

"don't be bitter"

---mig

At syempre... Don't forget to do the things that will make you happy. You will never ever regret that fact na ginawa mo yun throughout your life.

pictorials sa daan.

da session tym..

"bugoy"

Isa siyang simpleng stuffed toy. Pangit. Luma. Maliit.

Yan si "Bugoy". Hindi ko na alam kung papano naging ganun yung pangalan niya. Ang alam ko simula bata palang ako kasama ko na siya. San nga ba siya galing? sa pagkakaalam ko sa tita ko, binigay sa akin yun kasama ng mga pinsan ko dahil nung bata ako hobby ko ang pag-iyak, hindi nila ako napatigil at hindi din nila ako mapigil dahil sobra yung taray ko kaya yun binigay sa akin si bugoy. Sabi ni "nanay" hindi daw binili si bugoy kung saang shop, galing daw siya sa kapitbahay na nagsisimulang gumawa ng stuffed toys. Ang alam ko dalawa kami nung pinsan ko na may ganito, siya nakapag asawa na at may baby na kasama pa din niya yun, nakakatawa pa nun ilang ulit na daw yun ipinapatapon ng tito ko pero nakakasurvive padin.

Siya yung naging kasama ko hanggang ngayon, lumipat na kami ng bahay, dinaanan na kami ng bagyo, nag aral sa malayo kasama si bugoy dun.

Siya yung natitira sa higaan ko. Siya yung kinakausap ko pag nababaliw na ako. Siya yung naiiyakan ko. Siya yung yayakap sa akin tapos makakatulog nalang ako. Sabi ko nga kung tao lang si bugoy boyfriend ko na siya(haha).

Hindi ako ganun kahilig sa mga stuffed toys. Minsan sa mga aso na stuffed toys. Hindi ko tinitingnan yung laki o ganda nila, kasi hindi dun nasusukat yung halaga nung bagay na yon sa'yo. Dumarating sila, binibigay sila ng mga tao sa buhay natin para mag paalala na kahit nalayo sila, parang andyan parin sila.

Hindi mapapalitan ang nag iisang bugoy, pangit man siya, matanda man siya,mura man siya. Siya parin yung nakasama ko sa mahigit labing walong taon. Siya yung nag iisa at pinakamamahal kong bugoy.

buhay TIRD YIR

ang bilis ng panahon parang dalawang taon na pala ung nakalipas na nag aaral sa malayo.

TIRD yiR na. Ang dami ng mga ading na tumatawag sa'yong ate. Hindi pa naman ako matanda... ka age ko lang naman sila kunyari.

Hindi full load. Dalawang put apat na units. Umaga. Tanghali. Gabi. yan ang mga schedule na napunta sa amin, agawan sa subjects na wala ka nang ibang choice dahil yun nalang talaga ang offered at dahil kailangan mo nang makuha ang mga subjects na yun kakagat ka.

Maluwag na sked. Yun ang tingin ng mga lower years sa amin. Totoo naman eh, maraming panahon na wala kang ginagawa pero hindi mo alam kung bakit ka nga ba naging busy. Marami kang oras para gawin ang mga requirements mo, pero minsan bakit mo pa kailangan mga rush? Hindi ko din malaman.


Ano nga ba ang mga ginagawa?
Mga tambayan:
dito sa internet library ng SLU-- dahil pag third year ka na may 90 hours na bihibigay sa'yo para mag surf ng internet, para sa "academic research, personal ang career development" daw.. (haha) pero sa totoong buhay pang friendster yun at pang surf sa kung ano-anung wedsite. Eto yun pangunahing tambayan namin eh, hmmm, dito walang pakialaman, yung tipong gawin mo yung mga kailangan mong gawin. Eto din yung pupuntahan mo pag wala ka nang patutunguhan (yung tipong vacant mo at ayaw mo pang magstay sa bahay, tulad ko) dito kasi kahit wala kang pera makakatambay ka (di tulad sa canteen) dito mo din mameet yung mga long lost classmates mo dati sa mga minor subjs mo. Tahimik dito, ang maririnig mo lang mga keyboards na maiingay. Maraming louisians ang di gumagamit ng time nila dito dahil daw matagal, mabagal, ang sabi ko naman sanayan lang yan eh, nakadepende yan kung alam mo ang mga techniques para mapabilis ang access mo. At yun nga lang limited ang mga website na pwedeng puntahan, kailangan wholesome kundi may lalabas sa computer mo na "this is against the slu policy ....". Dapat kasi suki ka dito (tulad ko).


sa bahay-- at ang pangunahin at paborito kong gawin dun... tentenenenn... ang natulog, kulang ako dun eh, dahil dapat araw-araw gising ako ng maaga kasi maaga ang klase ko, tapos marami pang kung ano-anung dahilan, busy- busihan gnun. minsan din sobra ako sa tulog, yung tipong pati sa management at law subjs ko inaantok pa hindi lang ako kaming lahat. magbasa, kasi minsan wala kaming entertainment showcase (yun laptop nung boardmate ko) yun magbasa nalang nga mga makabuluhang libro (malapit ko na nga matapos ang collection ni bob ong eh..) at ng mga iba pang libro, wag lang pocket books (yaks).


sa pond-- fish pond. lately lang akong natutong tumambay dun. bakit nga ba kami tumambaydun? kasi di pwede sa canteen lalo na pag may dala kaming paborito kong siopao pagkagaling sa labas ng campus, dun namin yun kakainin. (yumyum). dun kami pupunta pag natapos na namin yung mga kailangan namin tapusin sa org. dun kami magkakantahan ng mga kori at madramang love songs (hehehe, madami kaming fans dun ah, infairness to us) last time nga eh may pictorial pa kami, sa mga first years na naglilibot dun, syempre may voicings pa kami eh (kahit gawa-gawa lang). Si Tuning (bass), si jhe ( soprano 1), si reg (soprano 2) at ako (ang Alto) kulang nga lang kami ng tenor. hmmm, dito din talamak ang asaran namin. Marami akong lessons learned dito eh, ang pinakatamado sa lahat.."how can you say that a person is BITTER?" (parang ampalaya, hehe, joke!) yung sagot.. sama ka pag tatambay ulit ako sa pond. =)


Ngayon, isa lang ang class ko (ecology1A)... may tamad na prof. na pagagawin ka lang niya ng seatwork na essay tapos pass your papers and you can go. Akalain o yun, sayang ang effort mong nagshampoo. Pero pwede na rin mataas naman grade eh, wala ka nga lang natutunan. At para may silbi naman na may ginawa dito sa school, diretso nalang dito sa netlib para magkwento.


Mahirap. Masaya. Challenging. Kailangang pagisipanang mga bagay na dapat ngayon panlang pinag iisipan na. Pero mahirap mag isip ng mga bagay na kailangan mo nga ba talagang isipin. Pero sa tingin ko mas mahirap umintindi ng mga bagay na AYAW mong intindihin.


Hindi pa nagtatapos ang buhay, kahit mahirap...


...may next class pa ako 5-6 mgmt6.

Risks

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk revealing your true self.

To place you ideas, your dreams, before a crowdIs to risk rejection.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.To hope is to risk disappointment.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard

In life is to risk nothing.

Those who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing,

And become nothing.

They may avoid present suffering and sorrow,

but theyWill not learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live.

Chained by their fear, they are slaves who have forfeitedTheir freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

The pessimist complains about the wind;

The optimist expects it to change;

And the realist adjusts the sails.

Is fear preventing you from taking a necessary risk today?

beautiful... (".)

I found a most inspiring quote onthis subject I'd like to share.

Love, without desire to possess,
knowing well that in the ultimate sense thereis no possession and no possessor:
this is the highest love.

Love, without speaking and thinking of "I,"
knowing well that this so-called "I" is a meredelusion.

Love, without selecting andexcluding,
knowing well that to do so means to create love's own contrasts;
dislike, aversion and hatred.

Love, embracing all beings: smalland great, far and near,
be it on earth, in the water or in the air.

Love, embracing impartially allsentient beings,
and not only those who are useful, pleasing or amusing to us.

Love, embracing all beings,
be theynoble-minded or low-minded, good or evil.
The noble and the good are embraced because
Love is flowing to them spontaneously.
The low-minded and evil-mindedare included
because they are those who are most in need of Love.

In many ofthem the seed of goodness may have died merely
because warmth was lacking forits growth,
because it perished from cold in a loveless world.

Love, embracing all beings, knowing
well that we all are fellow way
farers through this round of existence --
thatwe all are overcome by the same law of suffering.

Love, but not the sensuous fire that
burns, scorches and tortures,
that inflicts more wounds than it cures --
flaring up now, at the next moment being extinguished,
leaving behind morecoldness and loneliness than was felt before.

Rather, Love that lies like a
soft but firm hand on the ailing beings,
ever unchanged in its sympathy,without wavering,
unconcerned with any response it meets.

Love that iscomforting coolness to those who
burn with the fire of suffering and passion;
that is life-giving warmth to those abandoned
in the cold desert of loneliness,
to those who are shivering in the frost of a loveless world;
to those whosehearts have become
as if empty and dry by the repeated calls for help,
bydeepest despair.

Love, that is a sublime nobility ofheart and intellect which knows,
understands and is ready to help.


Love, that is strength and gives
strength: this is the highest Love.

Love, which by the Enlightened One
was named "the liberation of the heart,"
"the most sublimebeauty": this is the highest Love.

And what is the highestmanifestation of Love?
To show the world the path leadingto the end of suffering.

~Nyanaponika Thera~

bleeding in silence

"..letting a go is just another way to say you love a peson"

puff, me saying those stuff =) talking to different love situations. Some kinnda funny for me saying those things. I don't know that much from that word Love... Now, I'm trying to figure out why do they look for me to confess different confusing situations they undergo. I happy when I personally see them happy because I know that they simply deserve to be. I also feel really sad to see one of them letting a girl he really love go, simply because he's seeing something wrong? within them, treating each other something more than friends without no attachments at all. Sad thing she was commited to someone who was so busy to the fact that his boyfriend has no time for her. And here comes my friend to fulfill the duties and responsibilities of a significant person in her life, as a friend. So sad to think that everything was only out of friendship (though its the foundation of love)... but I personally saw my friend to transform each day, saw him really happy because he was with a person that he chose to be special. As I was telling him, having a space-- a time to think will be a good way to asses themselves if they really felt love.. time will make them realize that they need each other not simply because of the inspiration they give but most especially because they love each other. Time and space doesn't mean that long and distance from each other doesn't always mean separation-- but a way to realize that despite the time and distance that you're not together you feel something different.

It might be hard to do but just think it's just another test of love, its just another way of showing that person that you really love her to the fact that you can sacrifice even you will be bleeding in silence.

just a friend?

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?

Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?

You fall deeper with each passing day,But try to hide it in every possible way.

He's only a friend, and nothing else--That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.

You keep on saying he's just a bud,But deep inside, you're falling in love.

You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.

A simple glance turns into a stare,

But you pretned that you don't care.

It's "not right" for you two to be.

Is that why you hide it so no one can see?

But how long will you pretend?

Keep lying that he's just a friend?

Perhaps your feelings you can never show.

Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.

Your friendship can't be risked over this,

So being his girl is an impossible wish...

--Loving more than friends? (wooh, such a hard thing I thing to do but its part of loving anyway.) You should think whether you should be happy because you're friends or should be sad because that's all you'll ever be.

"BaHaY kUbO"

You know why should I be thankful? Because I may not have everything, but at lease I never had nothing.

Within my eighteen years of living I never experienced to have everything shattered and almost having nothing. Until May 17, 2008, super typhoon Cosme slowly grinded and blended every post , every bamboo, every wood that makes up our only and little “bahay kubo”. I was totally amazed of how the power winds of Cosme turns every mango tree that surrounds our house. While inside my father told we pray the rosary together, hoping that eventually everything will stop. Surprisingly, after the prayer start everything. My brother cannot already push our door because of so much wind, while my father shouted about fixing our t.v. that was already exposed to the rain. Unexpectedly, I thought my brother was joking that our roof was gone, until I looked up and saw nothing but blurred sky showering me with so much water. Adrenalin was so fast. I was so confused, I don’t know what to do, what should I hold and where to go. I left everything, I hugged my little sister that was trembling and already shaking. We moved out of the house and realized that everything outside was gone. We looked for a place down the house to where we could run and we also found nothing. Until the four of us decided to face the strong winds, pouring rain, running water, dancing trees, flying roofs, uprooting trees, falling wires to evacuate to a safer place about more or less five minutes walk to our grandmother’s house. Wet. Shattered. Crying for help. That was I think the only time that everything happened was shrinking on our minds… laughing, told them every detail of what happened, cracking jokes and eventually realizing that in truth our precious “bahay kubo” that we only had was now gone.

As the night ended, I just smiled thinking that yes, throughout my whole lifetime I never experienced something much, something more than I needed. God just only me a simple family and a simple home made of nipa hut and bamboo to share spectacular unforgettable experiences. But I know I should not grief because to start again to block number one, I have my brother, my sister, my father and away from us my mom. Truly, I never had nothing. =)

Kung Sakali!

Gusto kong umiyak, ng napakalakas... hindi dahil bigla-bigla kong makikita yung grade kong ganun, parang tanga bakit nga ba ko masasaktan pa, kung noon palang tanggap ko na na simula palang wala na talagang pag-asa dito kay dr. Ramos na'to, una palang sinasabi ng wala kaming mapapala sa kanya, eto naman ang mga matatapang at mga tangang estudyante, kabilang na ako na tinuloy eto ako ngayon masakit ang loob? hmmm, hindi ko alam dapat kong isipin, hindi ko alam kung itutuloy ko ba 'tong kalokohan na'to.... wala akong maisip na dapat kong gawin... ano ba 'to isa na nanaman bang patunay na wala na nga akong ginawang matino sa buhay ko... Bakit pa nag naman kami aasa sa isang bagay na walang pag-asa. Milagro? sa pananaw ni dr. wala un.. hindi gumagana yun.

Hindi ba dapat maging masaya ako ngayon dahil yun ung pinangako namin ng mga katulad kong uhaw din sa kapirasong grade sa 201, magiging masaya kami sa araw na'to, pero bakit ngayong araw na'to anong nangyayari, bakit ka nagkakaganyan? bakit ka naiiyak aber? Dapat diba pag-pumasa kami tsaka lang yun mangyayari, pag-nagkaroon ng himala.


Ang pinakamasakit sa lahat yung tipong iminus mo yung grade mo sa pinalakamababang 65, ano ang lalabas? yun ang "EFFORT" na binigay mo ng limang buwan-- limang buwan na sana nakita niyo ang naging buhau ng block 6 at 7. Sana napanood niyo kung papano yung sakit ng loob na naranasan namin noon para sana hindi kayo magtataka kung paano nilabas ni dr. ang totoong kami. Sana nakita mo yung mga luha na, kahit pala ang worksheet kailangan iyakan. Hindi simple ang Accounting, buhay na nga siya kung tutuusin ng mga katulad kong umaasa sa bawat numerong kailangan at dapat lang hindi nagkakamali. Sana nasubukan mo kaming makita para hindi niyo masabing nagpabaya kami, Sana, Sana. Alam ko na hindi pa ito yung kapusan ng lahat.. Accounting is not everything! tandaan niyo yan, isa lang siyang parte ng buhay na kailangan mong daanan kung gugustuhin mo. Kung sakali lang!

AkaWnTinG 201

Sa inaraw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, nararanasan ang iba’t-ibang uri ng mga problema—problemang madali, kaya mong sagutin kahit nakapikit, problemang okey lang kailangan ng konting pawis tapos, tapos na at problemang kahit anong isip ang gawin mo, kahit anong klaseng paraan ang gawin mo, isa lang ang sagot, “wala” o ‘ewan”. Di nakakapagtataka, parte ng buhay ang problema.

“Naranasan mo na bang umasa sa wala?” “Himala nalang yata ang makakapagpabago..” at “Ipagpatuloy mo nalang ang mga pangarap naming…”. Mga linyang basta nalang lumalabas sa bibig ng mga simpleng estudyante—estudyanteng kahit papanomay panagarap, payak man ang panagrap, panagarap parin. Kinakaya lahat ng problema, kahit minsan o kadalasan nawawalan ng pag-asa. Pag-asa na pinipigilan at unti-unting kinukuha ng tao at bagay-bagay na ipinamumukha na wala tayong kwenta , na wala tayong patutunguan . Siya ang pumipitpit sa isip, unti-unting sumisira sa lakas ng loob, umaapak sa nagiisang bagay na meron tauy, Pag-asa. Balibaliktarin mo ang mundo, gusto parin natin siyang isumpa, ipadama na tao rin tayo, tulad niya may damdamin, katawan at pangarap. Pero bakit ganun, para siyang manhid, walang pakiramdam at walang pakundangan. Hindi ba niya naranasang umiyak dahil hindi mo alam an dapat mong isispin, dahil hindi mo masasagot ang problema, dahil hindi mo alam, kung problema nga talaga ang problema o ang taong sumasagot ng problema. Yung tipong ginagawa mo na ang sa tingin mong “lahat’ pero “wala” parin. Sa tingin ko tama sila… “hindi lahat ng problema may solusyon, pero lahat ng problema may magagawa ka”.

Napapangiti nalang akoat nagpapasalamat, dahil hindi ako, kami sumusuko sa laban.. laban na hindi ko alam kung may patutunguhan. Laban na puno ng mga problemang ang tanging mababaon lang naming ay mga luha na galling sa kumukuha ng pag-asa na pundasyon ns simple kong pangarap. Na patunayan sa buong mundo at lalong-lalo na sa aking sarili na di nakapagtataka isa lang ‘tong problema…;

crazy ME =)

i wanna cry but i shouldn't... why? simply because i know i'm strong enough to handle ever situation in my life... i really feel so small, because situations are becoming so much bigger for me. i used to think and say eventually to myself that i'm simplt "k.c." that the big world can simply live without. sad to accept, but yes.. i'm in that situation now a days. i simply can't run to anybody.. why again? because they simply can't understand ME the situations that i face and I am facing, the people that i simply chose to love. Am I again wrong in doing such? stupid me right? Personally, I know that I'm not wrong in loving him, ( logically, is loving bad?... I don't think so) but come to think of it.. Is loving a person from the minisry bad? i don't know (If i know, why should i ask for answers that i know even me & him & God can't do ) for a shallow purpose of making me assured of something that my whole lifetime I can't assure myself-- LoVe!
We simply did letting a person go, that time I can't simply think of a word that simply best describes hurt, sadness and goodbye... but eventually in time you'll realize that God gives reasons for both of you to think about, situations for both of you to find out and make you say to yourself "..I am happy". I complitely belive in what Mother teresa said once about love..."Love is giving until it hurts" truely, you can only say "i loved when you see yourself bleeding, because you gave more of what should be given of what others think due for that love". Ironically, I do belive in destiny (seems corny but true) I think that when you're destined to be with that person, you will be, even you have to cross miles and would take you to fight for that person, why not. Love and God will simply make a way misteriously.

The world maybe to judgemental to the love that we're trying to fight and prove for. I think at the end of the day it's not about the world and us that matters, but its between GOD and US and the thing that eventually will make us happy.